I was up in the kitchen cooking up a storm for Sunday lunch. There was something awesome about Sundays that seemed to put me at ease. Lesego could cook but, just as most guys, could never bother standing in front of a stove preparing a full meal. He would only do so where eggs, bacon and a russian sausage for himself were concerned. Although he always made sure to make a nuisance of himself when I was busy. "I'm glad you allowed me to stay. If we had left earlier, what happened wouldn't have happened", he said. I was busy peeling and asked him, "What happened?". He had this silly smile and said, "Like she told me how she felt." I know not everyone thinks about sex but I couldn't help but wonder if "she told me how she felt" actually meant, "she showed me how she felt". It's awkward talking to your twin brother about sex. And we have sworn to each other never to mention the three letter word. Instead replaced it with our own phrase: "The Magic Show", referring to the disappearing and reappearing of two parties who went to do the deed. "So you're official?" I asked. "Yes" came his short and quick reply. I found it strange how people decided to be in a relationship. Of course I'm not saying everyone lays spread eagle waiting to exhale in heaps of orgasms automatically making them boyfriend and girlfriend but somewhere out there, you know of at least several people. And I did. My brother. He quickly and not so quickly tried to shift the focus to me. "Did you have fun?", Lesego asked. I looked at him as if to say, "What do you think?". He dropped the topic and we started discussing other things. Lunch was ready. And everyone assembled at the table. I wasn't hungry so I covered my food and placed my plate in the fridge, reserving it for later and in the meantime, enjoyed a cup of coffee and relaxed. The boys, Lesego and my brother's son Kopano, were clearing the table and washing the dishes. My brother, his wife and their daughters had decided to go visit his mother-in-law, and we knew that meant we had the house to ourselves. I was going to have to be the Mother bear. Instill some order here. Kopano was against going and stayed home with us. All the more fun. The area my brother lived in was rather tranquil. A simple suburban life. And there was no disturbing that peace. So there was no way things were going to get out of hand. Were they? We chilled outside, reminiscing and sharing a good few laughs about my mother. As stubborn and impossible she was, she was funny, crazy and just great fun. Just then some of Kopano's friends came to visit. I had learnt that their names were Keobakile, Gontse and Warona. I had no problems being surrounded by guys, not if they were as gorgeous as these three. Excluding Lesego and Kopano. Since being away from my Prince Charming, I've become a cheater. A mental cheater. I've had thoughts about meeting other guys. I was so disgusted with myself that it felt like my morals had taken a backseat and I was out there screaming, "Fuck it! I'm Young." Truth is, yes I am young but being able to disgust yourself was a feeling no stable relationship could fix. I should be honest with my man and tell him. No matter what happens. Right? WRONG! I don't know what I'd do if he ended things with me. Just keep quiet for now. With all those thoughts pushed aside, two more people were said to join the party. Lesego's other friends. More guys? Bring it on. One can never have enough guy friends. And it was indeed true, guys are easier to get along with than girls. An undeniable fact. Lesego's friends pitched for what we called, "Detox Day". My heart made small rapid beats and I blushed from the inside. It was King. Tall and gorgeous King. He immediately made eye contact with me and I made sure not to move my eyes. "Dear God, on which day did you create this guy", I thought. The physical attraction between us was getting stronger every minute. Or was it just me? "Let's go get some snacks" suggested Warona. Everyone agreed in unison and I definetly wanted to change. And it was going to take a while. Luckily no one was in a hurry and this gave me more time to make another lasting impression. Happy with the way I looked, I was ready to go. I could tell King was impressed. "Stop staring." I joked, "You just never know who you'll bump into so I'm prepared for anything." The party then hopped into different cars, Lesego and I with King and Kopano with his friends. King had opened up the door for me, in front. Right next to him. Cue the Lionel Richie song, or was it the Commodores song? Either way, he just wanted to get "close to me for a moment" or more. I was not about to complain. I reverted to my "introverted" self whilst on our way to the store. This journey just may get interesting.

Watching other people dance is rather entertaining for me. Others have talent while others just need help. I had managed to let go of Lesego's arm and was starting to relax. Kgosi came over to find out if we were okay. "I'm fine but don't you guys have anything other than alcohol to accomodate me?" I asked King, who's smile was enough to make ice melt. "Would an Appletiser do?" he asked. "It would be perfect." I said as he lightly tapped his hand on my bare knee. "Is it that bad?" my twin asked and I shook my head as we laughed. I had asked him to accompany me to the bathroom and just as we were in, we were out and returned to where we were seated. A few moments later, King returned with my choice of beverage and I had got to drinking. Sipping on it slowly as if it were real wine. King laughed. "You should get the real stuff" he said. "No thanks." I started, "The pretence works for me" as he laughed. Why would anyone as cute as King be involved in such crime, I thought. He should be preaching God's gospel instead of hosting these ostentatious parties. I smiled at my own silly thoughts. I can be an idiot when I have the time. In no time, Kgosi and I were chatting about almost anything, flirting in between. Lesego was happy to see me relaxed. And I was glad to be in a falsified utopia for a while because nothing seem to matter. My troubles were gone. "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away", if that's how that Beatles song went. A young lady approached towards us and Lesego jumped to his feet. I almost had to giggle. Her name was Ontlametse. Lesego's lady of interest. I shook her hand and introduced myself. King excused himself as the three of us sat down to chat. At the moment, I don't know what to make of her or my brother's taste in women. But I decided to let him grow up as he wishes. Ontlametse excused herself briefly, as she needed to "powder her nose". I looked at my brother and he smiled. "Please don't overdo it with the alcohol. You're driving." I requested and he just continued smiling at me. You know that moment you can feel a pair of eyes looking at you? That's how it felt. I had turned my head to find King staring at me. I looked away quickly and Ontlametse was making her way back. We resumed our conversation, when we heard what sounded like people cheerleading. I asked Lesego what the commotion was about and he indifferently replied, "Just two random people kissing". I was shocked. Not sure if it was with the way he said it or that it was so normal, people didn't mind cheerleading. I HAD to leave this satan's den party. I may not be the most religious human being but I had morals. I asked Lesego if he minded taking me home. He instantly gave me the "We aren't going anywhere look". He ignored my plea. I sat there biglipped and pissed. I wanted to go home and I wanted to go home now. I didn't care about Lesego and his stupid little girlfriend. I nagged him and we went outside and Lesego didn't hold back. Neither did I. He then agreed to take me home after our war of words. I then sat and waited in the car whilst my twin was chatting to his friends. I sent Lesego an sms and he started walking towards the car. He stopped again and entered the car. "King would like to talk to you." he said. I sat in the car and barely budged. King came over to my side. He talked to me and flashed his smile. I was in NO mood to play nice. "Just do it for Lesego", he said. He needs to ask her out. Come on, Masego" he pleaded. I agreed and sat in the car. I took out my phone and started poking at it. I got out the car and made my way back to the party. King met me at the door and said he had to introduce me to certain people. Again, I was in no mood. He dismissed the idea and led me to his room. I looked at him, rather appalled. "You may rest here." he said calmly. "No one except Lesego will enter. Not even me." Such a sweetheart. True to his word, no one else except Lesego, who found me asleep, had come into the room. We then headed home. I was looking forward to my stay if every weekend was going to be as good as this one. Mafikeng. Masego Letsie is here to stay.

The next morning, My twin and I had decided to make breakfast for everyone. It was a Sabbath and I wasn't in the mood for church that day. Maybe next week, I thought, as I arranged the table. My older brother was married and had three kids, an 18 year old son, a 10 year old daughter and a 5 year old daughter. While I drifted with my thoughts, everyone had come to sit and enjoy breakfast. My sister-in-law had requested that my twin brother and I run some errands for her, and without fail, we agreed. My brother saw it as an opportunity to drive around and look cool in a borrowed car. I saw it as an opportunity to learn the place. When it came to height, my twin clearly got my dad's gene and didn't seem to mind towering over me, even if I was minutes older than him. And I got my short height from my mother. While on our errand run (the shopping centre was called Mega City) Lesego would bump into people he knew and would automatically jump to the conclusion that I was his girlfriend. It was "shock and horror" to find out that I wasn't. Like a sigh of relief for them. Being your friend's sister doesn't mean I'm available, I thought as we continued. Before we headed home, Lesego made a stop somewhere. Out came a guy who looked too dodgy for my liking. I learnt that his name was Kgosi, nickmamed King. He looked like he sold all sorts off illegal things, and yet I wasn't completely off the mark. His main domain of profit was selling Marijuana or weed, as it's commonly known. "Is he your friend?" I asked Lesego, who could sense the dislike in my tone. "No," he hestitated, "He's just "my supplier", so to say." Was this the company my brother was keeping? I didn't expect him to be a saint at his age, but I was just afraid that he may get involved with the wrong crowd. "So tell me about this girl" I said, trying to change the topic. Lesego couldn't stop talking about this amazing girl, and his happiness tone was evident. As much as I cared for my brother, I couldn't help but not want him to grow up and discover girls, but I couldn't stop him. "You may meet her later" he said as we approached home. I was exhausted from the drive and just wanted to rest. My brother, his wife and the kids were out. So it was just me and my darling twin. He came into the room and rested next to me. "How's the Prince?" he teased and we laughed. "He just smsed me," I said. "He obviously misses me" as I smiled. My brother looked at me and I knew that he wanted something. "No" I said immediately, while he did his best, trying to make me change my mind. "I won't sell you" he said as he laughed. Maybe it won't be so bad, I thought. "I'll think about it" I said and he left my room. I laid my head to rest, and maybe dream of my Prince Charming. There were two men in my life, one was my amazing boyfriend, the other was I crush I had since I found out he existed (since I was 16, to be precise), that being AKA. It drove my twin and my boyfriend crazy. And that didn't phase me at all. In my daydreams, AKA was mine and we were going to have children together and that was that. Although my boyfriend didn't like my "obsessive ways" he was supportive and would take me to AKA's performances. And I loved him for that. There was a racket in the house that woke me up from my rest. Everyone was back at home. I had agreed to my twin's request and he got permission to use the car. We both were busy getting ready for my virgin night out. I smsed Prince Charming, informing him of my whereabouts. Although he was far away, I still thought he deserved to know. And in minutes, my twin and I were ready and rearing to go. We left home and went to the party. The party was at Kgosi's place. Lesego tried to sweet talk me into having a great time. "At this place?!" I thought, "I'll never be able to relax." As if he read my thoughts, he held my hand and looked at me "Just be yourself, sis. And you'll be okay. I won't let you out of my sight" he said and kissed my cheek. My brother knew how to soften me up, that's for sure. As we got out the car and made our way to the door, I latched onto Lesego's arm. It was full. Girls wearing loads of make up, dressed in tight, figure hugging, if not a peeking bum or two outfits. With hair done right. Kgosi came to meet us and seemed to undress me with his eyes. But even I couldn't deny the physical attraction we seemed to have. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him. This night wasn't going to be so bad after all.

Since I could remember, I have always been a dreamer. I've always dreamt of finishing school, going to varsity, working for myself, finding that perfect man, getting married and living my own happily ever after. I still do. Except now, the setbacks of reality had begun kicking in. What no one tells you in high school, is that outside those walls of a lifetime of spoonfeeding, it's a whole lot harder. After the unexpected death of my father in 2006, I've seen myself take a downward spiral into lonliness and nowhere. Although I was still in high school, (Grade 9 that year), it felt like a safe haven for my tormented soul. I was bingeing, self mutilating and writing, all to ease the pain. Even that didn't feel like it was enough. I always wondered if ever I was successful in my suicide attempts, would God have maybe spared me my life and given me a second chance? I despised people who would commit suicide as I felt they were cowards, killing themselves to escape their own problems, as if to say it'll go away. I was quick to judge then. But after Matric after reality struck me like a ton of bricks, I had no idea how I was going to survive anything. That "gap year" I took was not successful. I always knew what I wanted way before I finished high school. That was just to reaffirm my disappointment. 2010, wasn't starting out too well for me. I'd then decided to make use of the unwanted free time I had and visit my older brother up in Mafikeng. I was from Bloemfontein. A week before the decision, I'd had an argument with my mother, relating to my interests to further my education. She flat out refused. I then took the strongest pills we had at home, and just my luck, there were only 6 of these "strong pills" left. This wasn't going to do me any good, I thought, as I down them in a go. NOTHING HAPPENED. The only damage 6 pills managed to make was mere dizzyness and a loss of appetite. Great. My attempt at landing myself in hospital had failed. Dismally. I guess I ought to try again next time. The next week, my twin brother and older brother were on their way to fetch me. Finally. Mafikeng here I come. Away from my nagging mother. Away from all my troubles that started with my mother. Just me and my brothers. I was just happy to be away from it all. I was new to this place and after the 7 (or was it 8) hours drive from home to Mafikeng, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was take a bath, change and get a good night's rest. But my twin brother had other plans. "Sego, wake up", he said, continously shaking my body. In my stupor of slumber, I managed to pop an eye open. "Keng, Lesego?!" I said. "Bona, there's this girl I want you to meet", he replied. Oh great. He woke me up just for "a girl". I managed to mumble an "okay" and returned to dreamland. My name is Masego and this is the story of the day I died.